I come from a place of trauma and fear...I have a story, but then everyone does. I don't remember much of my childhood. I'm told it's a trauma survival technique. Honestly, I truly don't remember how I got to 54. I don't remember it. I dissociate...hard.

I was diagnosed with cirrhosis in 2018, I actually found out I was dying...the week I lost my step-daughter. Step daughter is such a hateful thing to call a child. We had a hard relationship, but my heart didn't know the difference.

I am the black sheep...the feeler...the trouble-maker. You see, I stopped generations of trauma. It cost me absolutely everything...but they did not get to harm my children as they did me. My daughter, she is doing the work to heal. I have made the decision to not have a relationship with my grandchildren because the effects of trauma are like black mold...invasive and hard to control. 

I will not harm them more than my absence does...even though my daughter and I have talked about it and she appreciates the fact I want her children to be safe...even from me...and she has told them that.

I am, ask my doctor says "an honest that people aren't ready for". I don't know how to lie and refuse to lower myself to lie. Too much energy and with the illness...my memory isn't good enough even if I did,

I started this as a way to heal, grieve, have a voice. I have tried to find mental health help for 25+ years and it just doesn't seem to be in the stars. I was recently fired by a therapist because...I don't know how to help you, no one has ever answered the questions like you do." Basically, I refused anti-psych pills and wanted to talk...so they could not help...gotta love big pharma.

Here...is going to be my therapist and my support group. Funny...I have cirrhosis, non-alcoholic cirrhosis. You'd be AMAZED at how prejudist the alcoholic cirrhosis patients are if you didn't drink your liver dead. So, you are welcome to join this run away train...but buckle up, it isn't a smooth ride...and it certainly isn't going to be a pretty ride.

Welcome to world...

7-28-2025